When you can see the results of God's Plan, it makes it easy to be a believer. When you don't see it, it causes doubt and challenges your faith.
I hurt my back at work on August 27th. I been a nurse for 30 years this year. I worked in hospitals 3 years prior to that. I have pushed and pulled and lifted and been lucky, until now. What appeared to be muscular kept getting worse and worse instead of healing. I tried to do the physical therapy, and give my back the time needed to heal, but it didn't work. During this time we had a wedding and a baby on the way, no not me, my daughter. I was also trying to start back to school. Needless to say the decrease in income because of my missing work due to my injury made paying for school impossible.
The process I went through with workers compensation was unreal. Everyone has their specific job, but few knew what the next step for me would be. Frustration was daily. Work was and is busy daily. To have someone down as a nurse, but yet cant work as a nurse is hard on everyone. I tried to do as much as I could daily, but it wasn't what I would have been able to do as a full person instead of an injured nurse. My feelings would be hurt by overheard remarks about what could be done with me.
During all this life went on for the rest of the world. Mine had stopped, but only for me. My niece, Brittany, had her water break 6 weeks early. She really was scared, as any mom would be, and wanted me with her. I was blessed to be there when her sweet Tucker was born. I felt really valuable to be able to be there and know she appreciated my knowledge and that she felt more secure knowing I was there.
It also felt like going home. She had the baby at a hospital I worked at for 20 years. Seeing familiar staff and doctors, her nurse grew up with my children. It all felt good. A job was open that could have worked for me. But, because of my injury, I wasn't free to even consider changing jobs.
After my 90 days post-injury, I was to be cured and go back to work, or not work. Finally the doctor ordered an MRI. The next week I saw a surgeon. I did not want surgery. Most back surgery, that I have been aware of, have not worked well. I had to choose a surgeon from a list in about 10 min. None of which were at my hospital, none of which I had heard of ever before.
When we met my surgeon it was very clear what needed to be done. Surgery was scheduled the following week. During all this time my grandbaby had been growing well. My daughter was healthy, and I loved feeling the baby kick.
The first week after surgery I barely remember. The muscle spasms were so intense. My meds were increased and so did the stories I told! I went for a follow-up test because of my pain blut we weren't abe to do it because I couldn't lie on my back. An alternate test showed no problems. Solution was steroids which means insulin for me.
The night after my test my mother had a car wreck. She was trapped upside down, in the seat belt. She ended up with 3fractured vertebrae. My daughter went to see her. On the way out she tripped, didn't really fall hard, but fell. She traveled back to my home to ask me what to do. I sent her to labor and delivery/triage where she ended up staying for 4 days, and getting steroid shots. She was only 30 weeks pregnant. I was terrified. Because of my career, I knew the consequences of babies this early.
It was so hard to have spent my entire career taking care of patients in her exact situation and yet not be able to take care of my own daughter, or even be up there with her.
I couldn't visit my mother, or my daughter, or take care of myself. Agony!
Fortunately after 4 days she was discharged on bed rest. Mean while I am working on being able to get up and go to the bathroom by myself, and keeping my blood sugar below 300!
On Dec 31st I got the second call of the year, first my niece, now my daughter. Her water had broken prematurely. Again total helplessness. It is the only part of medicine in which I am an expert, (as far as nursing goes), and yet I am unable to do anything. The labor did not progress for the first few days but on day 4 full blown labor. Baby Asher was born at 33. 6 weeks.
He went to the NICU, but never had oxygen and only had IV's for a few days.
I worked NICU before I ever worked labor and delivery. Then over the years I worked it a different times until I decided I really wasn't comfortable in there "occasionally".
He ended up having to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks. Man, I have 6 kids, did the whole no sleep thing, but it is way worse when its your child. Amber was so strong. She stayed with him all except one night. She was there for every feeding, every 3 hours. By the time she fed him, pumped, ate, she barely had time to close her eyes before starting again. And of course you know you get soooo much sleep being in the hospital.
Because I was off from my surgery I was able to go and visit and help her as much as I could. Not gonna lie, the days were painful. But this is where the "plan" comes together.
IF I hadn't hurt my back, IF the treatments hadn't progressed exactly as they did, IF my surgery hadn't been done when it was, IF she hadn't fallen, and gotten the steroids when she did, IF he had been born earlier, or later, then I wouldn't have been available to help. IF I had already gone back to work I wouldn't have had the days off the help her. IF I hadn't already had the surgery, I couldn't have helped her.
Could she have survived without my help, of course. But breastfeeding was very important to her. I was able to help her quite a bit in that area. My comfort level with premies helped calm her and help her gain confidence.
I in no way claim to know God's plan for myself or anyone else. I have many questions and fail to see how his plan has worked in some other heartbreaking areas of my life. But sometimes, I think he gives me a peak. I am blessed.
