As the wedding date of Jason and Amy draws near, I seem to be the only one not able to be excited. Don't get me wrong, I want Jason happy. Amy is great. I could not have hand picked anyone else more perfect. They have bought a house close to me, that couldn't have been better. Now I can see the kids probably more than I want to, lol.
I think it just means moving on, and I just miss Evette so much I'm not ready to move on. I am glad she is in heaven. I know there are babies there that need her, and God needed her.
I know I am selfish. I needed her. She came into our lives at a critical time for me. She was a very bright star in a very dark world at the time. Annette doubled the brightness. They gave me a reason to be at home and a reason to laugh and smile while I was there. My parents are very different people now than they were then. They were both always good deep down, but were sidetracked for years. My sisters kept me from running away from home, I was afraid they would forget me because they were so young.
They kept me from doing things that might not have ended well, because I had to go home and take care of them. They went on dates with me. They told on me when I tried to not take them on dates. They gave me their honest opinion of my life because they were to young to lie.
They helped me raise my children. They built me up, they told me many times that I was the most patient person they knew. Evette was on the look out for potential "good" boyfriends at church and at church camp. Because she was always at camp my children went early and often. She trusted me with her kids also. Whe she had her kidney stone she wanted only me to bottle feed Brette. I think she knew I loved her unconditionally. When she told me anything that she thought might disappoint me about herself she was very quick to ask if I was upset with her.
We had a relationship like no other. Its different from mine and Annette's. Its different from mine and any of my daughters.
I search the bible, I read other blogs dealing with grief, I've talked with numerous counselors. And my friends are probably way over hearing anything about it. Time is all I can count on to dull the pain. God is all I can count on to heal my heart.
About Me
- evonne6kid
- I am a mom to 6 great children. Step mom to one daughter, I have four daughters, 2 sons. Ages from 29down to 14. They are my greatest achievement, of course my wonderful husband Doug helped with that. They are all single births, same husband, same marriage, not mormon or catholic. We just like big families. We have great holidays and birthday get together s. I am a RN, diploma for now, working on furthering that into a nurse practitioner. I miss my sister Evette greatly.
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1 comment:
Another beautiful and honest post, Evonne. The way that you feel is understandable. Evette was one of a kind and that's not easy to get over. For other people, the pain is so great that they probably have to move on or they'd be miserable forever. For you, dealing with the grief, remembering Evette and all of the times that you shared and what was unique about your relationship with her is easier than forgetting her. You just have another way of coping. Moving on is more painful for you right now, while it is comforting to others. Some people are the story-tellers of the family and you seem to be that for your family, so you keep the stories about Evette strong and alive.
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