Junior's birthday

I wanted this post to be seperate from the last one. Joe Stephen Lynn Jr's birthday is also on October 31st. He just turned 12. In the picture are his dad, Joe, my brother, my dad, and my Uncle Bud. He came over early, we had cupcakes, opened presents then we all ate lots of food.

I love having an "open" house on that night. Friends and family bring food and we have a lot of fun seeing everyone.

trunk or treat, dressing up

Trunk or Treat at church this year went well. I decided to set up a photo station and took some pictures, printed them off, and gave them away. It was fun, and a learning experience. Next year have at least 2 cameras and an assistant, and a tripod, and maybe a light! Oh well kids had a great time.

Next on to that day everyone dresses up. Can I say Halloween?
Due to issues with the day, we had a "no scary costume" rule at our house. Our year, and some areas of our lives just demand we look at this day with a different light than before. We recently had a study at church that also made us look at it differently. I stil enjoy dressing up. I like seeing friends. I like candy. So we will still have fun on October 31st, no matter what it is labeled!

Doug and I were the clowns, as if you didn't know that. Blake is the very cute monkey. The foggy picture is what my front yard looked like. The kids, and Uncle Bud, had fun with the fog machines. The very cute baby is Ellen Ola's latest baby to take care of. His name is Rain, I think, (sorry Ellen), and he fell asleep just as I was holding him. Ellen and her husband are taking care of him and his brother for a while.

missing evette

Feel free not to read this. I am writing for therapy for me.
Blake is sleeping in my bed, next to "unke doug", and our dog fenway. He dropped his pacifier down the crack at the head of the bed, then snuggled up next to me. It broke my heart. That moment just made me so aware, even headed toward sleep, that his mom was not here. Not here to see him grow. Not here to hold him at night. Not here to see him tonight in his monkey costume.
Another baby was here tonight. Ellen's newest addition. I was talking to him and he was smiling the smile babies do when they really see you in the beginning. Evette could make all my babies smile faster than anyone else. She would say they liked her big teeth. I think they just liked her voice and her smile. Like most of us, she would pitch her voice higher and just use a different voice with babies. I remember her doing that not long ago with Blake. even though he was 18 months, no longer a little baby. She would talk to him and make him smile all over. She loved all her babies. But watching him respond to her and move toward her so happy to have her there....
It made me remember she isn't here. I have tried hard not to think. Not to remember. When i go down that path I stop my brain and change lanes. I couldn't do that this time, and it hurts so much.
At school today her 2 girls both rec'd awards. I took pictures and didn't think. I hugged and congratulated them, but didn't think. Sydney kept me by her side while giving candy to all those who came, not letting me leave her to greet my guest in my home. I knew she was needy and I knew why, but it didn't make me think and hurt.
Sometimes I miss her for me. I think about something she would do or say or would be doing now. But I stop my head. My heart still hurts.