Haiti in my heart

Haiti keeps popping in my head. Random memories that I otherwise had forgotten. My first trip to Haiti was 3 weeks after the earthquake. Our group was wired and ready to jump in to whatever we found. Instead, God made us wait for 2 days before we were able to touch our first patient. I am not sure at the time any of us felt grateful for the delay. Each of us had such a heart to serve: One of our doctors served as an electrician; one doctor helped unload food to the point he became dehydrated; several of us helped with the massive feeding of the neighborhood; a paramedic/college administrator became an expert driver in Haitian traffic; so many more stories. Each of us stepped outside our normal comfort zones in so many ways.

One woman came to our clinic with a hand that she had been told was not broken. The middle finger appeared ready to fall off. She could barely use the hand. She said her house had fallen on her during the earthquake. She also lost three children. Because of her tears, and the language barrier, I didn't ask if that was her entire family.

The doctor I was with was very concerned the finger was gangrenous. He asked another doctor to look at it. I was given the task to soak and debreed it. We gave her a Percocet for pain. In the U.S. she would have probably had Morphine! After soaking for 30-45 minutes in a made up soak of peroxide and betadine, I got to work. She had brought copies of her x-ray of her hand. After the doctors looked at it closely it turned out she had two broken areas. The end of her middle finger was one of them. As I removed the worst layers it was great to find it was not gangrene.

I was being very slow, and careful with her hand. I was so afraid of causing the amazingly strong woman more pain. At one point I felt her hand on my shoulder, she looked me in the eyes and nodded her head. She wanted me to know it was ok to pull the skin off her finger. She was reassuring me that I wasn't hurting her. I was so humbled. I can only imagine what it felt like having several inches of skin pulled off an injured hand.

For her rehab I found a bulb syringe used for wound irrigation. I told her how to squeeze it to get exercise, and several other finger movements.

I am not a doctor, I am not a physical therapist, I am not a nurse practitioner. For anyone worried about it, I always put NURSE on my name badge. I wish I had more knowledge, and more initials behind my name. Then I could do more.

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Usually when I return from my mission trips....

I find it kinda funny I can start my blog with the statement, Usually when I return from my mission trips..... Funny because 10 years ago I had not yet been on one trip. I always had an interest in going, but because of all those babies, I couldn't go. I've now been on 10 trips, I think.

Whenever I went to Mexico, I almost always returned excited. excited to share pictures, stories, and the way I felt about the trip. I would have pictures printed out the next day, or at least before the next Sunday, to share at church. Even the first year, when I returned very angry. I was angry at my world, my children, myself. Angry because we had so much and yet were so ungrateful. But even then, I wanted to share so much.

Haiti is different. I don't think it is just the earthquake and the destruction it caused. I went to help after Katrina and didn't feel this way. After both of my trips now, its taken a while before I could really start talking about it. It's not that the people are all walking around crying or sad, because they aren't . The children don't look deprived, even though they are. No one is lying on the floor saying feed me, they are beyond that. There is so much that needs done. Maybe I am overwhelmed. I try hard not to be. I know I am but one person. But truthfully, with each patient I see, I try to treat them as if they are the only one I have to treat. I can't give them money, a job, a future, but I can give them the dignity and respect most all humans deserve.

I do leave there wondering what more I can do. Not what more can millions of dollars do, or millions of people do, but what can I do. I have a plan to train the Haitians, like nurse aide training. But no idea if I will ever be able to have the time off to really do the training.

The picture of the smiling woman links my 2 visits. She came to me the first time pregnant. She was about 30 weeks. With her first 2 pregnancies she had became ill and lost each one. She wanted us to do a c-section while this one was still alive so she could have a live babe. I tried to do what I could. I sent her for an ultrasound, but the results didn't show us she was far enough along we could safely deliver the baby. When I went back, there she was! Her baby was only a few days old. She was so happy to bring her to see me! She shows me there is hope, hope for Haiti.