after 25 years, a beautiful birth is...

After 25 years, a beautiful birth is…
I trained in a hospital where epidurals were normal, very heavy dosed at that time, cut the episiotomy, sew, here’s your baby, quick look, off to nursery, visit every 4 hours. That was the normal. I also got a glimpse into the “birthing suite” where the mom went “natural”, and all that was needed was the dad, the doctor, and a lowly student nurse could help out just a little. Wow, that was beautiful.
But because to me “normal” was the other way, and I had my first baby far from home, I went the “normal” route. The feeling of forceps, even with a very heavy couldn’t move a muscle epidural, was a sickening feeling, I vowed never to do THAT AGAIN! Baby and I were fine but the recovery for me was painful.
I worked at 2 hospitals after that first child. One where forceps were normal, without epidurals, pain for the mom was something she endured and was often encouraged to be quiet while she did it. Moms were happy because her baby was beautiful and mom’s pain was just how it was. I even had Doctors that wouldn’t come in until after “Dallas” was over, in the days before TiVo and VCR’s, so nurses just caught the baby, but it wasn’t truly beautiful, just the way it was. The second hospital also had no epidurals, but forceps and vacuums were rare. Still the cut the episiotomy and sew the repair was normal. But I did see some beautiful births.
My second and third births personally were at my 3rd hospital. We had great doctors, great nurses, educated to do the best and take care of you to the highest standards. My babies were healthy and beautiful; the births were the normal, heavy epidurals, no more forceps for me, cut and sew. My 4th was a beautiful birth, no epidural, no cut, no sews. Why was it beautiful? I controlled the delivery, I helped with the no sewing part by being in control, and I had elation like no other after she was born. You can hear the excitement in my voice in the videos, even though it was my fourth, and my fourth daughter.
That one was almost 18 years ago. I still help birth babies. What is beautiful hasn’t changed much. What is beautiful, is informed parents that are active in the birth, with a doctor that has been trained to keep the mom as intact as possible, and is able to a good job at that goal. Being part of the process with the parents instead of the “Superman” role of I’m here to save you and your baby, (so if I need to rush off for dinner and decide you are tired and I need to help pull your baby out with a vacuum or forceps I convince you it’s for you and your baby’s own good), I deliver you the fastest way, cut, sew, and here is your reward, your healthy baby and sore bottom. Believe me when I say I knew there were Doctors like that out there, but only saw the as rare until recently. I KNEW midwives did these things, but they were only for those other people, not the normal ones.
If I can name names, some of those rare Doctors no longer deliver babies, but they were Dr’s like Betty Neff, Maria Perales, Deborah Kondis, yep all women at the time. Sure women were happy with the doctors that did the cut and sew thing, we were taught that was normal and to expect it, especially with that first baby. I then met a midwife that came to this hospital. For some reason most all of her deliveries were done with very little sewing. Big babies, first babies, with epidurals, without epidurals, all sizes moms, all were having very beautiful controlled births. Deborah Wage, CNM, taught me that my memories of the delivery in the birthing suite so long ago was not just for those weird people that wanted to be different. Anyone could have a beautiful birth and feel better the next day.
For me the beautiful birth is the baby that comes out slowly, head stretching what was made to stretch, everyone in the room is calm. Dr Perales used to let the mom lean down and after the arms were out, grab her baby and pull it up onto her abdomen. My favorite part is when the dad cries, no matter how many children he now has, he still is overwhelmed by the miracle of his child. Everyone in the room is all smiles. The mom doesn’t even know yet if she gets stitches or not she is so enthralled with looking at and memorizing every detail of her new child.
I’ve learned now medical students are being taught how to do births without cutting, and with minimal sewing. I’ve seen 1st year residents that do it beautifully. The epidural is no longer the deciding factor in what the doctor wants to do. I’ve seen it in nice controlled quiet rooms, and in “what do you mean I can’t get my epidural because the head is coming out and I’m delivering in the wheel chair”! These young doctors are learning that simple techniques in supporting mom prevents tears and makes the healing and recovery so much better for everyone.
These doctors do beautiful births even when the parents know their baby will be taken quickly away for heart surgery, or other procedures. They at least have this normal moment. Mom will be in much better shape to deal with whatever lies ahead in her baby’s journey.
My wish would be that all those wonderful doctors that I love, that I know really care about their patients, would go to someone, and say, “Teach me how you do that”. Teach me how not to need to cut and sew. Surely if new medical students can learn, older experience doctors can also. They have so much experience in handling so many situations that can’t be taught, stuff that is vital to healthy babies and mom’s when everything is not easy and not normal.
I still love babies put right on mom, skin to skin, feeling their mom right as they come into a noisy new world. My favorite part, still, is when the daddy cries.